Oh my dear friends, it has been one heck of a week. 2 things happened that proved to be most exhausting and draining. First, we decided to get new carpet. It’s funny that a lot of people who come to our house for the first time think we had nice carpet. Oh contraire. You should look in the corners of the room where no one steps on it…its’ a different color and it’s not smashed to smithereens. Two Saturdays ago we moved all the big stuff out into the garage. Austin also ripped up Kylie’s carpet and the hallway. We thought we would be able to get the carpet within the next few days, but Lowes got a little slow on us and it wasn’t until the next Friday that they came and installed it. Moving everything out of the house wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it was still tiring. I absolutely love the new stuff! I took a pic of the old and new carpet, but with the lighting you can’t really tell a difference. But mark my words my friends, there is a difference! Kylie christened our new carpet by peeing on it.
The second thing that happened, which I deemed that day the worst day of my life, occurred last Wednesday. Austin, Kylie and I went to the doctor for my 12 week check up. I was so excited to hear out little baby’s heartbeat. As I lay there on the table, the doctor put the little thingy on my tummy and I was excited because I heard it! But then he kept moving it around and then you’d hear a heartbeat again, but he said, “That’s yours.” After about 5 minutes I start bawling. He can’t find a heartbeat. My baby is gone. These were the thoughts that ran through my head. I was devastated. The doctor tried again for about 5 minutes and still found nothing. It was at this point that he sat me up and said that I should get an ultrasound tomorrow and if they still can’t find a heartbeat, then I would need to go to a gyno to start the process of getting rid of the baby. That sounds horrible and he didn’t use those exact words, but that’s what he meant. He told me how his wife had had 2 miscarriages and its a very hard time. Honestly, he seemed pretty positive that I had had a miscarriage. I left that office in a daze. All I could think about was my baby that I didn’t have anymore. That night was the worst night of my life. I cried and cried and pleaded with Heavenly Father to please give me my baby back. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. Austin gave me a blessing that night and I felt His arms wrap around me and I knew that I was going to be alright. The next day I got a call from the doctors office saying they were ready for my ultrasound. I called Austin and he met me at the hospital. I wasn’t ready to hear the news. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare. We got all the paperwork done and the guy came and got us. As I got on the table and he started the ultrasound, I braced myself. The first shot I saw was this jumbled mess that kept moving around. My first thought was, “Oh my gosh, thats my baby and it didnt fully develop and those are all the parts floating around.” I know, morbid. Then he moved it around some more and there was my baby…it’s beautiful, sweet, whole body with it’s perfect arms and legs and hands and feet. It was so beautiful. And there was a heartbeat. My baby had a heartbeat. That jumbled mass that I first saw was him/her moving around like crazy. I hadn’t lost my sweet baby. It was almost like it was saying, “Here I am mom, I didn’t leave you!” I cried again for the billionth time…but they were happy tears. I’m not sure what happened the day before. Maybe my little kiddo was exploring for the day. Maybe it really was a miracle. Whatever it was, I am so thankful I can still be it’s mommy…..
